I want to turn back time.
Do what is needed to get me back on the right path.
How i wish it could happen
Hence,preventing all the regrets in life thats piling on me.
Ive been isolating myself from the people around me.
and to them,I must say I need my time alone.
Too much probs around me.
Too much sins have been done.


I don't have a mentor in life.
even the longest or the closest person I know isnt a friend I can talk to.
to those who know me.
Name me a friend of mine who can be serious?
That sums it up.
Nur Insyirah, how could i learn to be serious if your the only person I know who can truly be serious?
I dont have a true friend in life perhaps?
just friends.
I really dont know who sial.
and so dumbfoundedly,I played soccer when i was just about to recover.
and its all thanks to someone so self-centred.
dont you have a heart to think that someone has just recovered?
but im so dumb as to play because his my friend.
and i think my knees are busted.
shall not name it here but ya.
damn,dont i have a true friend?



My family's full of bullshit.
I tried to smoothen relationship with them.
but how do they respond?
who do they think they are?


I really would like to run away.
start my own life.
like having my own refresh button.
I'm wondering.
Should I fled the country?
leave my family?
every month I anonymously send money to my mum.


I use to love Fadhli.
I really do.
I really really really do.
He was a pleasant boy.
a good brother.
but i see a two-faced boy in him.
he starts to behave differently.
i do not know how he pick up that behaviour.
definitely not from me because I wont show such behaviour.
really i dont.
im suprise my own flesh and blood behaving in such a backstabbing manner.
trying to angkat buah.
if u happen to read this,
"bro,its not worth it. its not right,it gets you no where"

to mama,
i had been rude.
Ive hurt you before but not intentionally.
i just want you to stop nagging at me for the moment of time.
your really annoying me very badly when you nag.
and usually at the wrong time.
it hurts very badly that u dont realize it.
u have done alot for me.
I truly love you for what youve done.
i really do.
from the bottom of my heart.


to sis,
ive not been a good brother in the past.
im trying to make it up now.
but ur not giving me a chance.
ur tone of voice is insolent.
im sorry.
when we were kids.
if u dont realize,ive been a good bro.
looking out for you in kindergarten.
youve forgotten those days didnt you?
i really do miss those days.
but as i grow up.
i make mistakes.
i hope u realize im not perfect.
i tend to get astray.
please forgive me.


and to dad.
until today.
i just cant accept the fact that when I was younger,
you hit me with no remorse.
well i can list the scars here on my blog.
in age order.
1)5 years old.
you canned me till you left my thighs redded with scars.
why? because i start my letters from the bottom of the letter.
the tail.
was it so necessary?
2)age 8.
i fell asleep on the sofa because i was doing my homework on the coffee table.
i was so tired because i just came back home from school.
and in the evening i had mengaji.
so i went ngaji and u pick me up afterwards at about 10pm.
on that day mama was working night shift.
then u ask me whether ive finished my homework.
then i was so honest to tell you i fell asleep.
and you scolded me in the car.
hit me at every red colour junction.
sped at the CTE tunnel.
at 120km/h.
3)9years old...
insulted my compo.
you scolded me.
hit me here and there.
well theres so many.
life is miserable?